A girl walked into a bar... Ouch.

Wow I haven't posted anything since last August. I want to say that it is because I am too busy having a life and being cool, but the reality is probably more along the lines of I was really sad for a long time after my grandfather passed away last August, and then I was very uninteresting. Not that I have anything interesting going today that warrants posting...

In December, I celebrated 3 years of sobriety. It came and went very quietly and wasn't exactly a celebration, but I patted myself on the back and said, "Good job, Holly." After all, my own validation is all I need these days.

In February, I was at a birthday party. Instead of having someone bring me a juice like I normally do, I went to the bar myself and ordered. After telling the bartender what I wanted, I inhaled. In that moment, I wanted a drink more than I have at any point in the last couple of years. Was that my first time standing at a bar in 3 years? Was it the overwhelming odor of booze in the air? I don't know, I can't recall. Whatever it was, I felt weak. Then the bartender I guess was hearing challenged because instead of a Cranberry Juice, he poured a very not juiced up Vodka Cran. WTF buddy. I told him my order 3 times too. But I couldn't stand there anymore; I quickly left the bar and handed off the drink to someone else and took some time to inhale and exhale. I guess it doesn't matter how long I'm sober for, once in awhile, I'm always going to want to drink something alcoholic. And all I can hope is that I'm always strong enough to not take the drink.