And then sometimes, I go out

Last night was one of my bestests' staggette. I should say local stag since we already hit up Vegas in June. And nothing compares to Vegas. NOTHING! But we had a fantastic time last night...
After sobriety, I discovered all the things I hate about this city. And it came down to one thing: the people. In the midst of the beauty and serenity that is BC, there is this hub in the middle of the Lower Mainland where all the posers gravitate. These are the sheltered folks who don't understand that there is more to life than your circle of drug dealing friends with lots of money. There is more than having large fake breasts or long blonde hair (black if you're Asian) or ridiculously fake eyelashes and enough makeup on your face to make Steven Tyler pretty. There is more than expensive clothing, LV handbags, and Louboutin shoes. There is more than bedazzled Ed Hardy tees and fauxhawk haircuts and steroids to make your muscles big. But here is where the arrogant, self-centered, pretentious, obnoxious, trendy, hipster, yuppie, yappie types all come to "play." And let's get real here- their idea of a good time isn't throwing down, drinking too much, and having a good time. They prefer to pose on the sidelines and stare down everyone else. And when they do move, they bowl everyone else down because they think they're better. This picture is what the party scene looks like to me now. Gone are the days when I can show up in a t-shirt and just jam. Now you gotta put on your face and dress like a skank (if you can afford it, at least you can look like a classy skank), and pose for awhile in order to be accepted. But last night, we were decked out for our themed stagette night. We also had masks that made us feel like superheroes- awesome yet anonymous! Unfortunately, it was very Superman/Clark Kent because I was still recognized, but whatever, for awhile I believed in the disguise! And it felt like back in the day when I could just go out and throw down like no one's judging. Of course we hit a glitch when our bachelorette's fiance's crazy (like psycho crazy) bitch ex appeared and she tried to fight us (by try I mean she lunged and let her friends "hold her back"). But we won anyway because we had a blast, boys loved us, and we were awesome! She was just miserable and hateful and not fun to be around.
One of the great things about last night was being hit on by young boy people. It's a great feeling when a fresh-faced youngun who can't grow facial hair tells you you're pretty and asks you to dance. Especially when you say thanks, but you're too young for me and he says, "but I'm almost 20!" Because in 36 days, I'll be 30 dude. And another boy told me he wished he was 7 years older so I would give him a chance. It's a club, they're young, and just looking to party. I get that. But I can't dance with you if you can't keep up!
At the end of the night, I was crawling into bed just before 6am and wondering how I made it through without dying of exhaustion at my seasoned age (oh yes, ran into someone who called me old, said I used to be the prettiest girl in the scene, and tried to cover by saying I'm still hot, and I'm not old just seasoned-thanks pal). Today my body hurts, my head feels like I'm hungover even though I didn't drink, and I'm just so tired! I won't be doing this again anytime soon, but man, that was a good night. And here's the recipe: Special Occassion + Good Friends + 2 Whips + 10 Masks + a ton of Booze for the imbibers + 2 Free burgers (even after someone puked in the drive-thru lane) + Pole/Lap dance practice + No line/cover + a Shower to wash off the beer and tequila on my legs = Success!! Don't be jealous because I'm awesome.
On that note, I wish haters would find their own little bits of awesome instead of just hating all the time. How exhausting it must be to be a negative person.

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how do i feel this good sober?

i just got back from vegas. i spent all this time agonizing about how i was going to get through this 4-day weekend sober. i haven't been sober in vegas since i was a teenager. and between then and now, there were a lot of trips to vegas. trips i barely remember! but i know they were fun. i often think that sober holly isn't very fun. i mean, i sit around a lot in my pyjamas and watching so much tv that i believe jack bauer is real. i have little desire to go out. maybe it's this city. everything is expensive and you get all dressed up and go out and then it's just disappointing. the people are pretentious and shallow. and sober, i just don't feel like trying. but vegas, you can't go to vegas and be a bum. esp if you're there for a stag(ette). so i went to vegas and i wanted to drink. i wanted to drink jager and i wanted to drink goose and i wanted to drink margaritas in the sunshine. i have to say, this was probably one of the worst times in the last year and a half.
to compensate, i drank a lot.. of energy drinks. because without the kick, i couldn't have kept up. i would have wanted to sleep. a lot. so i had red bull. i had rock star. i had monster. i had coffee. and i was cracked out. but when you're like, super awake and ready to rock, the alcohol cravings die. so i guess it's a matter of the lesser of 2 evils. plus, it's been easier to wean off the intense caffiene that it was to quit drinking.
since i've been back, i've had only coffee. i had 2 yesterday but only 1 today. of course, i've also been falling asleep A LOT on my couch. but dude, who comes back from vegas and doesn't need sleep? esp since i jumped back into the work thing.
man am i tired.
anyway, i made it through the weekend. i partied hard and did it all in high heels and i fought my cravings and i made it home sober. that feels pretty damn good. and i think for the most part, i was still pretty damn fun! i say for the most part because i had a turning point where i was not fun. i was good ol' angry holly. which reminded me of drunk angry holly. which brought me back to being really happy about being sober. lol. but that was just a glitch. this was def in the top 3 in terms of trips to vegas!! 4 days, 3 nights, 1 stag, 1 wedding, lots of caffiene, and late night eating in the company of some of my favorite people! good freaking times.
btw. congrats to my beautiful friend S and her man! i'm so happy and honored to have been even a small part of such a special day!
ok i'm going back to sleep now. because that's all i've done since i've been home. work, eat, poop, sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep. lol.

eat it eat it get yourself an egg and beat it

i'm having the weirdest week. so far it's been very good but every night i'm having dreams about whoever i was with during the day or whatever i've been watching on tv. it's very bizarre and i am exhausted!! after watching 4 hours of defying gravity, i dreamed about space travel all night. my crew was totally not the cast but there we were, in space. it was so weird.

but good things have been happening and i've been spending time with my friends. yay friends! except one friend that i usually see all the time. he's being totally weird and making me feel like i'm the weird one, but i know that i'm not because i'm the one who was trying to hang out and he's just been ignoring me. telling me that he's giving me "space" or some shit doesn't even make sense. so dumb. whatevs, be that way. weirdo. if anyone needs space, it's clearly NOT me. (and i just rolled my eyes).

so since the new train line opened up, i've been on it every day. it has cut my commute in HALF!! so exciting. and even when i don't get a seat and i'm stuck standing - it's 20 minutes so no big! love it. and on a plus side, i take the stairs up and down in the stations and have an extra bit of walking to do. this is the most exercise i'm going to get, so i may as well max it right? and the great thing about my body is even the tiniest bit of exercise totally regulates me. a little more pep in my step and hopefully my junk-food loving/pvr addicted butt will get back down to my normal weight!

anypoops, better get some sleep. ciao for now!

this is happiness

so after a miserable week of feeling like crap and hating everyone, i got to spend a beautiful weekend with many of my good girlfriends. i think that having girlfriends is so important. guys are great, don't get me wrong. i love my guy friends, and they're there for me and so awesome and dependable and fun. but it's just not the same kind of therapeutic relief as being with girlfriends.
this weekend saw me with new girlfriends and new experiences - i went to a horserace in a pretty dress and hung out with someone new in my life that i like very much and it was a ton of fun!
and this weekend also included old girlfriends - i went to the wedding of someone who i've been close with and grew apart from, and have now found balance with. i'm grateful that she is in my life and she really has been there for some crazy times, so we'll always have that! and i spent the day with an unexpectedly awesome girlfriend (by that i mean we didn't think we'd ever be friends but now we see each other ALL THE TiME and love it), and i was so glad she wanted to see me all day. plus, at this wedding were some other girlfriends that i just haven't seen in years and it was such a nice and fun reunion (for all of us i think). i'm not going to lie, i dread weddings, but i had a really good time and ended up staying for much longer than i thought i would.
but the absolute highlight was that this weekend was filled with best girlfriends. i spent the better part of a day with my bestests. i love Love LOVE when all 5 of us are together because these are the girlfriends who mean the most to me. they have seen me through the good, the bad, and the ugly (and i don't just mean boys). i love being around them, and we have great times, even if we're just walking up a street or sitting around talking for hours.
and i didn't talk about my shitty week because it was so irrelevant. it was so far away and behind me and it just didn't matter. i was just so happy to be with the people i love so much. and i know that no matter where our lives take us and what kind of experiences we go through, together or apart, we will always have each other to turn to. no matter how far away we may be from one another, we're really just a phone call away. or in my case, an e-mail because i hate talking on the phone so much.
of course there are one or two girlfriends that i would have loved to have seen that would have just made the weekend perfection, but alas, one can only do so much in 48 hours.
p.s. you know who you are missing girlfriend. lol.

how to travel with friends & confuse people

As much as I like hanging out with my godbrother, sometimes I just like a window seat, my ipod, and a book. And the thing is, he too likes a window seat and his ipod more than me! So it works. Plus we got to say things like, "we don't like each other that much," "she paid me to help her with her luggage," or "no, we really don't want to sit together." Hearing these things makes stupid people confused. I like to confuse stupid people.



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and sometimes, the good guy wins

earlier this week, my stalker quit and walked out. and as king michael sang so eloquently, she's out of my life, and i couldn't be more pleased! i didn't know how much it bothered me until i knew she was gone - and it was like this huge weight off my shoulders. because the thing is, i like work. i like coming to work, i like my job, i have friends here, and work isn't that bad. and for awhile, i was a little more negative about work. i would wake up some mornings and just dread the idea of having to go into the office. and there were days when i'd get here and when i went to go make the coffee, my morning quiet was broken by the sound of her obnoxious voice and her ignorant comments. and while i'm sure most people have a person at their work who can be annoying, i'm also pretty sure that said annoying person(s) didn't steal your name and lie about a relationship with your brother. so stalker freak hasn't been performing to par - how could she when she was never in her office, never picked up calls, rarely returned calls, and spent more time outside smoking or in the lunch room being rude? (and when she was in her office, she was on facebook - so productive.) as her life unravelled (from what i gather she had to get a divorce from her common-law, take advantage of unsuspecting insurance agents to get gifts and rides, and had no friends), i was here being unhappy because of her presence on a daily basis. plus, i had to constantly hold back the urge to tell her that LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS! and i have to say, now that she is out of a job, out of love, and out of my life, i feel really really good about it. f being the bigger person, i am glad that her life sucks. [and i think it was pretty big of me to not punch her in the throat every time i saw her.]

in addition to this awesomeness, canada day fell midweek so we had a nice little day off. i got to spend it eating with friends and sharing many laughs. i like days like that. i like my friends.

and since things do happen in 3s, i am happy to declare today as 200 Days Sober day. there were a lot of 'days' in that sentence, but i don't care. i am happy! woo woo!

I Like Friends

*Sidebar: Dreams about cheating on your SO usually signifies guilt in life - usually completely unrelated to your relationship. Cut someone off on the highway? Undertipped your server? Gave yourself a five finger discount at the store? Maybe something more serious, but you gotta deal with it. DEAL WITH YOUR GUILT!

i think people have friendships or they have relationships. and it starts early on, you make a choice. i've lost a few people who turned out to be relationship people. i was here when they were heart broken and busted up. i was here when they wanted to go out and have a good time and meet new people. i was here when they met the next person they were going to ditch me for. and i'm still here and i have friends and my life doesn't suck. and where are they now? still consumed by their relationship, whoever they may be with now. and the friends they have aren't real friends. they won't tell you if you've drawn your eyebrows on crooked. they won't tell you that that color looks awful on your skin tone. they won't tell you that those shoes do not look good with that shirt (hell, the truth is you shouldn't have bought those shoes at all). the false friends will never give you bad news, especially about yourself, because you're all so unsure about how secure this friendship really is. how much it could and couldn't survive. but you can't risk it because without these false friendships, you got nothing. no one. except your relationship. and that sucks. not because the relationship sucks, but because a healthy relationship means you still have friends and a life of your own - an identity.

and then there are friend people. friend people have had some of the same friends forever, yet still have the ability to make new friends in life. and yes, friends come and go and you don't have time for everybody, but at least you know that you can always count on your friend person. they're solid. even when they're in a relationship, they will drop whatever is going on and be there for you when you need it because you still matter. when they tell you that they love the dress you're wearing and you look great it in, they really mean it. they won't invite their SO when you specify you need a girls' night because they know that sometimes you just need a girls' night. or if they're boy people, they'll remember to invite you on boys' night even though you're a girl because you're not a girlfriend but you're part of the group and it's more fun when you're all together like old times. friend people will never lie to you even if it hurts you. they won't forget about you just because they're in a relationship that makes them happy (in fact, they'll want their SO to get to know you). they will be there in dark times and good. friend people are good people.

i guess what brought this on was the recent conversations i've been having with my girlfriends about all these people that we've lost along the way. all these people who chose something else over you and never looked back. or looked back too late. all these people who constantly put themselves first and never see how they're doing something wrong in a friendship. and sometimes i feel sadness that some people aren't in my life anymore because they turned out to be sucky people. but for the most part i'm grateful that they aren't really around to bring me down anymore and i'm so grateful to the friends who have stuck around and supported me and believed in me.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend and it's true. because if i'm going to end up with someone and he's supposed to be my best friend and life partner and someone i want to have sex with on a regular basis until we're old, he's got really high standards to meet and a first class group of people he has to become on par with. that's going to be really really hard and if he's out there looking for me, i wish him luck because i know it won't be easy. and i'm so glad i love me enough to be okay with being by myself forever. plus, i have friends who'll be around forever. i'm lucky. and i know it. and friends, thanks. i value your friendship.