The Most Awkward

I'm single. I mean, SO single. I've been single for the better part of a decade. Longer even. My last serious boyfriend was in the year 2000. I have since dated and had flings and things, but nothing that I would count as an actual relationship. So in my opinion, this makes me the most single person I know. The Most Single.
Since sobriety, I've actually pretty much stopped dating altogether. Being sober means being cognitive when you're with other people and when it's new and forced, I become the most awkward. It's just not fun. So I don't do it anymore.
This freaks people out. I've met some super awesome people in the last few months, and they all said they wanted to set me up with someone. And I've pretty much turned them all down. I don't know how to function in a setting like that, so I just avoid it. I know, I have issues. A lot of them.
So this thing happened where I was in an airport having lunch before a flight. I was just sitting there eating and chatting with my cousin when I looked over and this dude was staring at me. He must have read a manual or something because when I made accidental eye contact with him, he slowly broke into this almost creepy smile. He was kinda cute, looked younger than me, and alone. I'm sure he was harmless, but I looked away quickly and then avoided looking in his general direction after that. Except when I was looking for our server to get the bill and get out. Then I accidentally made eye contact again and it happened again. He went from straight faced to this slow grin. It was so weird. We left shortly after and I never saw him again.
The thing is, I read a lot and there are always these cute meet stories and I'm always like, yes, IF I were in that situation and the guy was that hot, then for sure, this is how I want to meet someone. But in real life that doesn't happen. So say I was not me. Say I was a normal person. What does a normal person do in a situation like that? Smile back, for one. Then what? I don't get it. I'm bad at human interaction.
This may be a lie, because I have a lot of friends and family that I'm close with, and clearly I have no issues interacting with them. Let's rephrase. I'm bad at stranger interaction.
But you know what? I'm okay with that.

I have a Question

If you're talking nerd with a dude about the graphic novels you read because .. I don't remember how it came up .. But then like ten minutes later he calls you and says, "hey I'm going to [insert comic store here] later, do you want to come," do you think there are ulterior motives? Oh! Flash! I remember. He said something about ideas going stale and that's why comic writers are always flipped every couple years and I said I don't think that's always the case (I could be wrong I'm not THAT nerd), thus conversation ensued. Anyway, I declined the offer politely regardless. But I just don't know. I'm so uninterested that I go through life oblivious. Since that hasn't always worked out in my favor, maybe it's time I start asking myself the pertinent questions.



Or maybe I could just say No a lot and carry on.







Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.

i don't date.

i don't mean to be that girl, but sometimes the words come out of my mouth before i really know what i'm saying. well, i know what i'm saying. and it's coming out pretty much verbatim for what's in my head. i guess what i mean is, i haven't installed a filter so there's no cushion. it's just a blatant whatever it is i'm saying. in this instance, i'm now 2 for 2 when it comes to my friend's buddies. one of them i got to talking to last year at a bbq with my friends and after chatting he asked for my number and i just chuckled and said no. maybe i could have said, i'm sorry but i'm not comfortable giving you my number. but i didn't. i chuckled. and said NO. this time around i was chatting with my buddy's buddy into the night because everyone was drifting off to sleep/bed and i was up trying to read (seriously, who tries to carry on a conversation when the other party is trying to read???). and somewhere in there he asked if i was married or in a relationship or dating (i admit that it was pretty nice guy behaviour to put the feelers out first) and of course i'm not. and then he asked if i ever go out (let's be realistic here. sobriety has turned me in to a nun. the answer to that is also of course i'm not lol). so then after i tell him why i hate dating (he asks me questions, i don't give real answers because i don't like to reveal too much to someone i don't know, and i never ask questions back because the truth is, i just don't care - which is how i know i should not be on a date), he proceeds to ask me out for dinner. to which i didn't even think, i just said no. and he was just like, really? just no? lol. um, pretty much. but i mean, if you don't just say no, don't they get the wrong idea? don't they carry on hope somewhere that your indirect answer could mean yes? i don't want there to be any confusion. it really is just NO. i don't see the problem in holding out to meet someone i might want to have dinner with before i stop saying no to everyone else.