Hello Again, Maybe (Or, WTF Hockey!)

I realize it has been a long time since I posted anything. In fact, it has been a long time since I've written anything. I haven't used a journal, my blog, or any other medium for writing in so long that I was beginning to think maybe I've forgotten how to write. But the thing is, you can't forget how to write unless you forget how to form sentences and use words and stuffs. And then if we want to be really honest, it's not that I have forgotten how to use sentences to speak thoughts, it's that I have been writing in 140 characters at a time and lost the need to post these long and random paragraphs to regurgitate all the excess blurbs that are in my brain.
So here I am, encouraging myself to write something. Maybe this writing will lead to more writing and then in time, maybe I'll even be able to be my old creative self again.
I just wrote this whole paragraph and then deleted it.
So I guess this will take time. Or I'll just keep deleting stuff. I do that a lot. How am I going to write anything if I keep deleting it?

So while I'm here, my most recent bouts of anger are toward the NHL, the NHLPA, and sad to say, the Vancouver Canucks.
I love the Canucks. I used to live and breathe the Canucks. I have an Ice Pak, I humiliate myself for my Uncle's club tickets, I agree to go with anyone who asks me even though I have an Ice Pak and get free clubs. I once saw Trevor Linden on the street and I shamefully ran out and asked for a picture, shaking the entire time I was in His presence. My friend was once neighbors with Kirk McLean and I kept hoping to catch him in the elevator (I didn't, but we got a picture with him at a game once when he was doing a signing. Swoon.
And then the Lockout of 12-13 happened. This wasn't supposed to happen. After the last Lockout and with more money and new fans to lose than ever before (and it seems a lot of old fans too), one would think that this is the Lockout that they would have worked their asses off to prevent. But no, there were no proposals, meetings, or negotiations prior to the season starting. There was silence. And then the season got closer and the proposals started going out. And they were preposterous. Both sides asking for things that they must have known they weren't going to get. Both sides trying to get bigger slices of the revenue pie. There was a lot more to this CBA than money. I know that they will say that there were other things in the bargaining process that weren't necessarily monetary. But the biggest issues were about the money.
On both sides are people who make more money in a month than I may ever see in my lifetime.
They had the nerve to try to appeal to the fans to try to make the other side the bad guy. But you know, it didn't matter. It didn't matter to me who the real bad guys were. In my eyes, it's about ME. I'm the fan that has been faithfully following my team through ups and downs and 300 goalies come and gone to the goalie graveyard because of all the loser "fans" who quickly turn on the goaltender when the whole team loses playoff series together. I'm the fan that has spent so much of what little money I make to go to the games in my Ice Pak, to bring my friends when the rest of my Ice Pak isn't in town, to buy food and drinks and snacks at the overpriced concession, and buy merchandise, SO MUCH MERCHANDISE from the Team Store. ME.
So now that hockey is back and all are rejoicing, I can't help but feel bitter still. Of course I'm not giving up my Ice Pak, that would be silly. But I didn't wait months and months for a resolution just to go to a game that I had to pay for and watch my team get destroyed because they weren't as conditioned as the opponents. And I don't feel like your $1 concession items or 50% off merchandise are things that benefit me. These are things that benefit the owners, the people who make the money off the purchases. I mean, think about it. How much does it cost for soft drink that comes from syrup + soda water? Not a whole lot since Costco sells a hot dog and pop for $1.50. So $2 for the same thing in the arena is outrageous. And now that the homestand is over, it'll probably cost $10 for a hot dog and pop. Just think about the mark up and how much the owners are profiting.
I went to all 3 opening homestand games and all I got for free was the crappy scarf everyone got at game 1. But I don't care about this scarf. I want a free game or a free jersey. This random picking of people to give things away too, and I haven't been one of them. We have 4 seats in our Pak, I want 4 free jerseys. Signed. WITH LOVE. Or 4 free tickets. In killer seats. Or a meet and greet with our favorite players, the Sedins and Kesler.
But I know these things will never happen because at the end of the day, no matter what they're giving away, I will not be chosen as a recipient. Except maybe by pure chance, and that would be okay, but it isn't the same as the organization saying hey loyal season ticket holders who are not corporations, loyal Ice Pak owners who are real people, we appreciate you. And we're sorry that we fought over your hard-earned-and-given-up-to-us money. And considering how much they've been giving away to random people on the street and at the games, why would that have been so hard?

brothers are dumb

my brother is a little bitch. he's the baby of the family and the only boy so he is spoiled, lazy, and thinks he's entitled to shit that he hasn't earned. he has spent his entire life in someone else's shadow, always striving but never being good enough. and he will never be good enough because he doesn't try hard enough. he puts in the minimal effort required and then he quits. everything he has ever tried to do, he has quit for some bullshit reason or another. he's stuck in a bullshit relationship where he does not wear the pants and instead constantly takes his gf's abuse. she puts him down in public, belittles him, and makes him feel like he's stupid and worthless. as a result, he has allowed himself to believe that he is stupid and worthless. and because he believes this is so, he now consistently acts stupid and worthless. normally i don't really care. i mean, if you want to be a failure at life, that's your problem. but now his useless behavior has spilled over and affected me so i'm all angry and shit. and i don't really get angry much these days because sober me doesn't find as much to be angry about. but he makes me angry. and being angry makes me... frustrated. because i don't know what to do with it. i have no one to yell at because he is not here. i have to resist the temptation to break things because that is immature and childish. i can't scream because that would make the neighbours call the police.
when i was an angry person, i was also a raging alcoholic. i would get angry and then i would drink. and then i would drink until i no longer felt anything and it was wonderful to be free of emotion. feeling the way i do now, it's like it all makes sense why i kept drinking. i was angry because of drinking, and because i was physically and mentally exhausted from pushing myself to maintain the party lifestyle to hide the drinking problem. in addition, the excessive drinking kept me from getting proper rest even when i was able to sleep. so i was angry because i was drinking, and drinking because i was angry. and now i'm just good and properly angry and i don't know what to do with myself. i can't drink it away because i refuse to let one little shit ruin my progress. i think i will do laundry. maybe that will help. stupid little miserable human being. blah.

dear general hospital, what the hell?!?!??!

i don't know what's going on in the writers' room at general hospital these days, but i'm the most frustrated i've ever been in all my years of watching this show. i've been a loyal viewer since i was 8 years old. i remember that summer. my parents went to europe, my sister went to asia with my other gramma, and my brother and i spent the summer in LA. i was at gramma & grampa's house and he was at an aunt & uncle's. a few of my uncles and aunt's were still living at gramma's back then, and one aunt in particular was a huge gh fan. she videotaped every episode and we watched them some nights, a couple shows at a time. there were days when i went to work with a diff aunt/uncle and i'd sit in their office at 2pm and watch gh on a little tiny black & white. felicia was a princess and she and frisco were off on some adventure in caves with relics. robert and anna were spies and robin was just a kid. somewhere around that time she met casey the alien. sean & tiffany couldn't have babies and there was a black market baby who was really somebody's sister's baby. i learned about miscarriage on gh. bobbie was still recognizable back then before she had plastic surgery catface and somewhere in my early years there was a heartbreaking storyline because maxie was sick and getting sicker all the time and needed a new heart. then all of a sudden on her way to school one morning bj was killed and bobbie and tony made the decision to donate her organs and her heart went to maxie who was then played by the delightful robyn richards. during that story, i cried for the first time ever watching something on tv. everyone involved was so real and the kids all had their parents for these hard times. the doctors, the families, the friends - they all pulled together and it was beautiful.
so fast forward to today and i don't understand what is happening. jake had so much potential and deeper ties to the community than anyone else (except maybe michael who is also somehow related to everybody). it was so unnecessary to kill this kid. josslyn didn't even need kidneys until the same day that jake died and no one saw her cancer coming either. this storyline wasn't built on enough and i'm left feeling this void. the actors are doing a commendable job for their part. they do bring tears to my eyes. but when i come out of the gh bubble, i have to face that this is a pale shadow of a story compared to bj & maxie's. jake's family hasn't come together. jason has been left on the outside. luke & tracy are hiding on the haunted star. everyone is walking on eggshells around everyone else. and carly is asking jason for his kid's kidney's before even giving him a hug? come on writers! as mean as carly can be, as selfish as she can be, her friendship with jason has always been too important for her to sabotage. she would comfort him as his friend and be there for him and wait at least 10 minutes before telling him about her own pain. not jump right into it. and bobbie, where is she? she lost her daughter once and now her nephew is going through the same pain. and her granddaughter is in need of a transplant. you're telling me carly's mom wouldn't show up for something this important? you're telling me nikolas would go to the hospital and take the boys and not go give his brother a hug? i don't care how strained things are, things have been getting better and brothers hug. everything about this is so unrealistic. it's like bob guza and team forgot how REAL families interact. how they support each other and love each other and are there for each other. lulu wouldn't have left the hospital to tell luke, she would have called him to get his ass over there stat. and she would have called her other brothers and told them to come rally. there are spencers, webbers, and quartermaines involved in this storyline, and it's a time for everyone to come together. i get there are budget cuts happening behind the scenes. but if that's going to stop you from doing a storyline like this right, then don't do it at all. you can't just kill children on daytime television and have it be handled so poorly. kudos to the actors for the work they're doing with what they've been given. but seriously writers, give your viewers some credit. some of us have been watching too long to be fooled by your half-assed storytelling.

the never-ending offspring debate

in which, i am always the winner. because let's face it people; who knows me better than i do?

so i guess i am at that age when everyone around me is getting married and/or having babies. and i as much as i love the babies in my life, i really don't love babies in general. or kids. i'm not a fan of kids. i don't like them, i don't want them. i can be nice to them and play with them and i'll like the odd few and even love the exceptional ones (or the ones i share some dna with). but that's my limit. i have no interest or desire to reproduce. i have never had an interest or desire to reproduce. and having said that, i would not consider adoption or any other means of procuring a little person to take home and raise.

the arguments are as follows: you will change your mind when you meet the "one" (woah, one step at a time here. by the time that happens i may be 50 and dried up. for that matter, it may never happen. and guess what? the "one" for me - he doesn't want kids either). you will change your mind when your clock starts ticking (what clock? i don't have these internal tickers telling me i'm getting old and i need to settle down). you will change your mind when your niece and nephew grow older and/or you see them less often (what? that doesn't even make sense). you will change your mind when you grow up (have you met me?). you will change your mind - you just will (NO. and suck it).

and the most important thing to remember here is that i am happy. i don't need to settle down with a man to make my life complete. sure, it'd be nice, but it's not necessary. and i wouldn't settle with anyone just for the sake of conformity. i don't need children to make my life complete. sure, it's magical and whatever for the people who do it, but that's them and i'm me. so please stop telling me that what i want is to have kids, because i think i know what i want. and i'm pretty sure it's not kids.

what the eff. the king is dead.

and while in most instances these days, people would be referring to the king of pop, i am not. i am referring to the debacle that is my father's b-day party. i am at the point where i do not even want to go. i just don't care anymore.

so here's the deal. the old man is turning 60. and his bday is not actually until november, but he wanted to do the party on halloween. and i said, if that's the case, it will have to be a costume party. that would have been fun right? doesn't matter. my sister decided that his party should be over a long weekend so as to make it easier for them to attend from the prairies. so one would think november long weekend since there isn't any conflict there. except that he doesn't want to celebrate after the fact. and he's getting another all expenses paid trip to asia. so october long weekend it was. at this point the only other family he has in town can't make it because they made plans long ago because he told them his party would be in november. way too complicated already.

so he finds a hall to throw this bash. yay! but he wants everyone to be dressed all formal. boo! the hall has murals on the wall, streamers on the ceiling, and red and white checkered tablecloths. see how formal isn't really the attire one would think to wear at a venue like this? but that's even a moot point. who cares how people dress? not me. i'm just about judging people. no matter what class your outfit falls into, if it's awful, i will secretly think mean mean thoughts regardless. that makes me chuckle.

my biggest ish has been the guestlist. every day he is adding and removing people. there is a rsvp by date for a reason. that reason is organization. i'm a huge fan. he doesn't know the meaning of the word. so he wants me to hold off on finalizing his table arrangements and printing out the stuff i need until he is ready. he thinks he'll be ready on saturday 5 minute before we leave the house. i'm giving him until later tonight. because i'm tired of it. i'm just tired. but even more bizarre? he wants us to go set up the venue tonight. how can we set up a venue when the more important thing regarding the set up is the number of people coming and where they are sitting? i can't print those off yet!! idiot!

he wanted to sing all night long and turn it into a concert. but i'm going to go ahead and say that not all of your audience is fan of the music. shiz i don't even think all of the audience is a fan of you. and i can 100% guarantee that one spunky former redhead at table 2 is not a fan of yours at all. so hold the phone, i'm going to come up with stuff to actually make this party fun! because that's what i do best - have fun.

and now that i've spent the money and come up with the ideas and did all the hard work, you're going to tell me that i do not know how to throw/organize a party of this magnitude and i'm incompetent!!?? talk about ungrateful. i haven't slept in days. i am barely eating too, because there is no time to go to work, do all of the crap i have to for his party, and get in some me-time. i have forgone spending quality time with people that i actually like so that i can go to dollar stores and find things that i need at a decent price point. and i could have picked the ugly gold elephants!! but i didn't!! i spent a dollar more per item and got the cute wooden blocks!

i called him this morning to ask him to tell me about the charity that he has chosen for the 50/50 draw and he told me he is on the board of directors. dude, i don't care if you're the custodian, i just want to know who benefits and how. and when i asked that (in a normal way, i wasn't a bitch yet), he said i was being a stupid jerk. well you know what? fuck you and fuck your stupid party. just because you dress up like elvis, it doesn't make you the fucking king. it makes you a douchebag. he has shown absolutely no appreciation for anything!! because i don't know anything about a party of this magnitude. well guess what? if i took my spreadsheets that you don't like, and my lists that you don't think work, and all my little signs and my pretty guestbook and all my boxes and envelopes and pictures, your party would SUCK. and if i didn't put in all those hours poring through the pictures of your ugly face and then stay up all night scanning them, you wouldn't have a slideshow. and if i didn't have friends who like me, there would be no one else helping to do anything. stupid grumpy forgetful self-involved self-absorbed inconsiderate old man.

if i wasn't 2 days away from 300 i would've started imbibing today at noon.

i need to get gruntled

i don't know what's up my butt lately, but i'm becoming seriously disgruntled. mostly i guess it's because i've become one of those people who is unhappy at work. seeing as i spend 8 hours a day here, plus a couple hours commuting, i would say most of my waking hours revolve around work. and i know at some point i wrote about how much i liked my job. well somewhere between then and now, i discovered unhappiness. as days go by, things pop up that lead me to dislike my situation more and more. the main cause is that i feel underappreciated. i was told this would happen, so it's not like i wasn't warned. but it's this funny little thing where the longer you're around, the better you perform, the less they like and appreciate you. that's why people leave. i want to be one of those people. if you or someone you know would like to hire me, please do.

add to that the random idiocy that gets thrown in. just this morning i had a little episode of racism. and was she apologetic or better yet, recognize that she was being a racist bitch? no. she just kept talking. and now i'm going to pay by being the recipient of her further bitchiness because of course i'm clearly the one who was wrong. i have no tolerance for stupidity.

it rains. actually, it pours. hard. it's like the little raincloud that was over my head yesterday just expanded and decided to take over the entire lower mainland. i like it.

in other news, i want to drink. most likely because i'm disgruntled. i am 242 days sober, and all i can think about is how great it would be to just go home and kick back with a bottle of wine. every day i go home and open up the drink fridge. i had 3 bottles of white chilling when i gave up the sauce and i never could take them out... one by one they have been consumed. i don't know when or by whom, but there's part of one left. and i look at them wistfully and think, you could be in my belly. and then close the fridge and walk away. and a part of me thinks, who the f is drinking my shiz? and then another part of me thinks, better them than me. and then i just have to do something else and not think about it. i was sitting at a bar a couple of days ago for a few hours. and the whole time i thought about all the things i could have been drinking. but all i had was a blended juice and a hot tea. yesterday i was sitting in a pub sipping on iced tea. no wonder i don't like going out anymore. everywhere i go, people are drinking. everyone drinks. everyone but me. sobriety sucks.

everyone is in denial

sometimes it's about so much more than what it seems like, but usually there's an idiot involved and s/he can't see far enough past their own nose to realize what it is that they're actually looking at. take for example, my brother. he thinks he's doing me a favor all the time. he gives me a ride to the bus in the morning, and lots of times when we go out, he pays for lunch or bubble tea or whatever. so for him, it's time and gas and money. he sees it as mostly the money and how he has to go out of his way for me. and i'm no saint, but if i have to balance it out for him, then i see how i wake him up in the morning so he is not late for work. i see how i have rushed home and worked my schedule around his so i can take care of his dog (that i now claim part ownership of) while he goes and hangs out with his friends or plays ball or whatever it is that he is doing. i see how i have spent hours and hours trying to get the pee smell out of the carpet because his dog thinks carpet is grass and he can't be bothered to clean the smell out himself. i see how i scrub the bathroom down about once a month because he's gross and i can't stand it. and it's doubly worse when his girlfriend has been in town because then it's one more person's grossness that i'm scrubbing down. i let him invite his friends to my parties, and i share my friends with him because his friends are sucky people. when i am away, i bring stuff back for him, even when i could have used the space to bring back more stuff for myself. i usually consider him for dinner when mom's not around to cook for us.
i'm sure there is more that we do for each other, but i think i can easily say that i am more considerate of him than he is of me. but he doesn't see it, he only sees the dollars and cents and thinks he's the bigger person. i can't talk to him about this because if i bring it up, he gets upset, throws a tantrum, and shuts me out. in this case, i like to think that he is the idiot.

then there's the girl who had a friend who was a sucky person and decided to end their friendship via e-mail. while i knew the sucky person was going to turn out to be one, this girl didn't see it until things started falling apart and then she read the e-mail and easy friendship over. the thing with this scenario that bothered me was that there were a couple of valid points in the sucky person's e-mail. so while yes, she was a sucky person and the friendship is over, it doesn't mean that the girl is clear of fault. but because the sucky person turned out to suck and the e-mail was so poorly written, she conveniently forgot to take from it what might be true and dismissed it all instead. in this case, they're both idiots.

hmmm i was going to give you one more scenario wherein i could have been the idiot, but funny thing - i can't think of anything. har!

a fongpay - you were supposed to send me an e-mail so i could find your blog!

liars are stupid

i have a problem with dishonesty. to be fair, i will admit that i have told a white lie or two [or several], but i try not to anymore unless it is necessary. plus, i wouldn't do it if i thought it would cause harm, grief, or stress. because despite my ability to be completely ornery at times, i think that somewhere deep down, i am a nice person [most of the time].

in this instance however, it's not about me and what kind of person i am. it's about someone else - i mean, isn't it always? what good is having a blog if i don't use it to bitch about all the stupidity around me?

so somebody i know and tolerate has lied. this is someone that i liked as a person, even though at times her work ethic has been completely lacking questionable, i tried to like her and be friendly toward her. but since her attitude has been totally bitchy somewhat poor, i find it increasingly difficult to be able to contain myself. and while i don't think i've been lashing out, i do call her out on her crap. the thing is, it is completely deserved. i think in that position, it is hard to remain complacent for too long, and i understand that, however i don't think it gives one license to revert to juvenile behavior [ie throwing tantrums, stomping up and down stairs, throwing files/papers at peoples desks instead of putting them down in a docile-administrative-duty-manner]. but i think the worst part is that i've now caught this individual in a lie. not just one that affects me, but a few other people as well. i also see where it's coming from, but that doesn't justify it for me. i think that honesty would have garnered a better reaction.

i guess what irks me is that i am having trouble maintaining my composure, and that is one of the things i've become good at. i check my personal feelings at the door or vent them to only a limited number of people that i trust. now i'm finding myself making comments out loud and not being my usual chipper self. this person of course doesn't realize she has been caught in the lie, and definitely isn't aware that i've told people who need to know about it. i don't know what will happen now. i hope that changes are made though.

Drugs Are Bad

yes, it's very soon after my last post, but it's one of those weeks i guess where there is just too much to contemplate over.

so if you follow, then you'll remember my lethargic grampa not remembering my name at home and then remembering it with attitude in the hospital before he was moved into another care facility. i was told that after he moved into the home, he went back to being lifeless and pretty much a zombie. my mom was telling me how they couldn't get him to do much when they were there and i got a couple updates, all pretty much saying he was losing it.

well through most of this my uncle who is the most involved with my grampa's health was away on business. upon his return he knew right away what the problem was. in fact, it was a repeat problem. back in the winter after my gramps suffered his bad fall and brain hemorrhaging, he was in the hospital and moved into a diff home. during the hosp stay, my uncle pointed out that this anti-depressant the docs put gramps on was making him a zombie. docs argued that he was depressed. the thing is, he wasn't depressed and lethargic till the bastards put him on that stuff. he was taken off the meds before he went into the rehab facility and during that time he had his moments where he was his stubborn self, but for the most part, at least he had energy and was willing to try his exercises. what we didn't know was that when he was sent home from this place some idiot put him back on the drugs. yes, it's crazy that there could have been this oversight and no one noticed but my gramps has 7 kids and they're old school so communication hasn't always been great.

we think that if he hadn't been on this stupid drug when he went home, he would've continued his exercises and had more life to him. he would have remembered my name and his face would have lit up like i'm used to when i walk in the room. he wouldn't have become a zombie sitting in his chair all day developing sores and subsequently a staph infection. he wouldn't have had to go back to the hospital and had a surgery. he wouldn't have been moved into a different home instead of staying in his actual Home. he'd be at home now probably, where he is the happiest. nope, instead of all the possibilities for the positives, now we're back to square one. my uncle had to berate the doctor for putting him back on the meds when it wasn't necessary (and deal with his jerkface behavior - wtf yo. you f'd up doc, just deal with it and help make it better. don't give the family any more grief). now that gramps is off the meds again, they say he is way more alert and has a lot more energy. sure, he's still as stubborn as ever, and having more energy means that when he's pissed off at you it's a way more boisterous pissed off - but i take that over zombie gramps any day.

of course it doesn't mean he can go home. he has fallen so behind because he wasn't able to do any therapy since he's been in this place. he's barely walked in the last couple of months, and when he does, it's not easy. it's bad enough that these people have to get old and have so many issues, but really doctor man, really - you're just going to put them on these drugs that zombify them and let them wait it out in retardation until they waste away? that's your answer? that's what your medical degree got you to? are you f-ing kidding me? a part of me wants to say that it must be because my gramps is stuck in the american system too, but that's not all of it. i mean, doctors aren't ALL bad. (yes, i'm referring to you bunches, you better have f-ing good bedside manners or we can't be cyber friends anymore). i just don't know why this doctor (and a few others my family has had to deal with) bothered with the years and years of starving studenthood and debt and hard work and no social life (oh yeah, that's a huge part of his lack of people skills i'm sure) just to get his med degree (i guess the money comes back more than you spent right), and then behaves like he's entitled. you're not entitled. patients are people too. my gramps may not have had the overextended education or the high paying salary, but he worked hard too. and he's a person, despite his old age. treat him with a little dignity. treat them all with a little more dignity. they all just waste away in this home under the "care" of this doctor and he doesn't even see it because he doesn't care. what a load of crap.

so my thoughts weren't exactly laid out in the skilled manner that you'd expect from an english major but suck it. i'm pissed off and my grampa deserves better. all these patients do.

i'm sure a huge part of the anger is my own guilt though. i can't be there. i don't visit every day. i don't even visit every month. i haven't seen him since april and the reality is, i don't know when i'll be going back down again. it's hard to be so far away. i miss ya gong. :(

is it just me, or is everybody stupid?

so i don't know if this is just that stage in recovery where i'm really angry or if i'm perfectly justified in the things that have been annoying me. or maybe i'm justified but still overreacting a smidgeon. or perhaps there really is nothing wrong with me at all, and everybody sucks. all i know is, this last week, i've been really angry. it's not like all the time ranting and raving and yelling at people angry, it's just the smallest things irritate me so much and i really want to punch someone in the face and kick them while they're down (because my punch is that powerful). i have so many things driving me nuts right now i don't even know where to start!

as some of you may or may not know, i have a stalker. maybe she's not really stalking me, but over 10 years ago she stole my name and now she works in my building. so really, really she's not stalking me? i don't know. but it's more fun to just say 'the stalker' as opposed to 'the girl that stole my name,' mostly because it has less syllables. anyway, she's a total bitchface (someone likened her face to those evil persian masks worn in the movie 300) and she's bitchy to a lot of the females that work upstairs with me (but not me) and she picks and chooses days to be bitchy to the other female downstairs. one day they're best friends, the next, classic frenemies. i don't really have time for this drama you know? but i hate her. i really do. i don't hate many people, but i hate the girl who stole my name because really, your craziness and your identity crisis crap, and your fakeness towards others, and your stupid baby-voice when you're talking to boy-people - that's all stuff that i hate in general. add to that the name stealing, and the mug stealing, and the possible pen stealing, and i just get annoyed seeing her stupid bitchface at my workplace. and it makes it worse with the trying to talk to me because we're not friends you crazy person, you stole my name! plus she thinks she was in a relationship with my brother when they were kids, and they totally didn't because my brother would never date someone who was going by his sister's name! crazies like this are what give women the "psycho" reputation.

next, we have my sister. now please know that i love my niece. i would do absolutely anything for her. she is the cutest baby ever and i have known her since she came out of the womb and i would give my life for her. she is the only person i'd do that for in this world. so throwing her first birthday party is not a big deal at all because i love her so much. BUT having said that, it doesn't mean my sister and brother-in-law should be taking a total backseat and not helping! they have zero input concerning anything and i had to chase them to even add guests to the evite. really? it's your daughter's first birthday!! contribute! sheesh. seriously.

plus someone i thought i was friends with has befriended said sister and brother-in-law and all these months claims never knew it was my sister and brother-in-law. as if. but my crazy sister who doesn't have time to talk to me about her daughter's birthday has the time to call me and ask me what the deal is with me and this dude as if it's any of her business to begin with! you can't live the single life vicariously through me and not be helpful, it doesn't work that way!

and then there's my father, who i didn't talk to about this party because i throw parties at my house all the time. it's not even a thing. and in this case we were just both busy and didn't see each other for a week when all of a sudden this evite thing became my responsibility. i talked to my mom about it and she said it was fine and that she'd help with food and stuff so you know, it's all good right? wrong! according my dad, it was totally wacked to invite him on the evite. but come on, i just hit add contacts from my e-mail and included all my family. i mean, my sis and bro-in-law have been invited to their own daughter's bday! just take it in stride and hit yes! but no, he has to write in the comments that i'm dumb. me specifically. in my evite. where everyone can see. like, you know what? i don't want to invite you anymore!! stupid.

and then my bro's gf wanted to get a used car, which i said i'd help her with if i could. my smart guy dad convinced her to buy a brand new car. like hello! she has no money and terrible credit!! mcfly! so i do what i can to help her apply for financing (rejected). she uses her dad's name but he is rejected b/c with their new business, it's too high risk. and it's not a good economic time apparently so the banks don't care if you have a great credit history! all they know is that on paper it's high risk! so i tell her to just lease to own and my company will help her out. my buddy builds her 3 diff lease options and tries to explain benefits but she decides they can just buy the car straight up. but really, why would you just go and incur more debt?? so she has to talk to more people then she goes back and decides to lease. it's just going in circles. somewhere halfway through i withdrew myself as the middleman because it was so frustrating. but now everyone i work with know that my brother is dating an idiot. so frustrating!

phew that was a brainful.. so the thing is, at the end of the day, these are the things that have been bugging me and i just want to go home and make myself a drink and oh.. i can't. i can't drink!! argh!! oh, i guess i should throw in that i've been getting stomachaches on and off lately and i don't know if it's drink-related or not. i've been sober for almost 60 days, but who knows, maybe i have perma-damage. and that would suck.

but you know, on the whole, my life doesn't suck. :)