500 Days

and the most amazing part? when i spend time with my niece, i don't even think about it. i don't think i want to drink, i don't think i miss drinking, it doesn't even cross my mind. and now there are 2 of them to keep me strong. those 2 little people are the best part of my life.

babywatch 2010

a couple of years ago, i KNEW my sister would give birth early and so i got on a plane a few days before the due date, and 7 hours after i landed, her water broke. it was awesome and magical and my niece and i are super close (even though she's only 2, she knows who spoils her the most).

so fast forward to now and baby due date was april 25th. i flew out there on the 16th thinking, i'll spend a few days with my niece, baby will come, round 2, fight! except that there was no baby. despite the contractions the last month or more and all the signs pointing to an early baby, he decided not to be an early baby. and then i changed my return flight to stay an extra day and i hung out and waited and waited. but he decided not to be on time either.

and here's the thing - the doctor did some medical stuff to help move it along faster.. but to no avail. we consulted with spirits. he told our friend that he was coming one day. but he tricked us. we even went to the emerg in the middle of the night, unsure if my sis' water had broken. yeah, no. then another consult told us he was on his way. nope.

so my conclusion is this. 1. he is a taurus. he is stubborn and bull-headed. although, that could also describe any of the men in our blended families, so maybe being a taurus has nothing to do with it. 2. he is a joker. every time we were like, yes - this is it! it was not. not even close. somewhere in my sis' belly, he is laughing at us. on the bright side, we're all jokers, so we'll have a good time. 3. he is definitely related, because he doesn't know the meaning of punctuality. so if he's running on chinese time, he'll show up... when he feels like it. 4. he just didn't want me to be the first family member to see him naked. how modest. that's not gonna work. nobody in my family is modest.

well i am home now. baby didn't come. and unlike my worst fears, he didn't come out while i was flying either. phew! so i don't know when he's coming. no one does. and i'm okay with that. disappointed, yes. i just spent 9.5 days in the armpit of canada man! but i got to hang with my niece the whole time, give my sis a break from the other chaos (in-laws, my crazy mamajama, anxious hubs), and just chill. so at least it wasn't a totally poopy vacay. but if this baby comes out and they're not bringing him back w/in a reasonable time, i may jet out there for a weekend. ugh. don't make me go back there.

i think i smell bad

i like long weekends. since thursday after work, i have watched 2 canucks games, finished 2 books, watched 5 movies, and spent 24 hours in my pyjamas. before the weekend is over, i will watch another canucks game (live yay!) and eat excellent food. why don't we have long weekends more often? oh right, because the government sucks.

if i could, i would stay in bed for a little bit longer, but alas, it's almost 2pm and i have to get up now. yes, that's right, 2pm. i like sundays.

here are my reviews for this weekend:

Hot Tub Time Machine = AWESOME!! i love the 80s, John Cusack, and sci fi so this movie pretty much rules.

Chloe = Pretty Damn Good. If you're into movies that are creepy with hot crazy chicks, this is a movie for you. I figured it out early on, but still totally enjoyed it.

The Host = from the author of Twilight, i sat down to read this saturday afternoon and finished a few hours later because i had nothing else to do. it was really good. i wish there were more because i really liked the characters and the relationships they developed and i'm used to reading serials so the things i like can go on and on.

Bonus Section: for all you vampire/werewolf lovers out there, Laurell K Hamilton is the BEST EVER! i am addicted to her Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series!! i am currently waiting for Skin Trade to come out on paperback, but i've read everything in this series from book 1. SO AWESOME!! and there are a bunch of her fans out there who hate that about 10 books into it she turned it into literary porn, but i don't really care. i love that anita blake just goes on to fight another day. and if you can get through the sex, the stories are still great.

okay i better get up now.

a letter

dear ryan kesler,

i don't care if you hate canadians, or vancouver fans, or french people. i don't even care if you hate me. but i want you to know that when you say you hate people, there are people out there who get mad. i wasn't one of those people. i stayed true. i wore my kesler jersey to your first game back in vancouver instead of my lu one. i defended you to all my friends who told me that they now hate you because you hate them. i think you're fantastic and you play great hockey. i think your wife is pretty and your daughter is really cute.

but my point ryan kesler, is that not all of the fans in this city are like the fans you hate. there are fans like me out there. fans who stick by you no matter what. fans who love the team no matter where they are in the standings (with the exception of bieksuck - can you please ask him to stop pinching?). fans who are not suits, who spend hard-earned money to go see you guys play, even when times are tough. hate on everyone you want ryan kesler, but not all of the fans out here are sucky fans. i just wanted you to know that.

your fan,
h

the great olympic hangover

we had 17 days of non-stop action over in our little corner of the world. the olympics came and went and i think it has changed everyone. except maybe the angry protestors.. i'm pretty sure they are still angry. but for the rest of us, we played hosts to the world. and despite all the misgivings and lack of feeling before the spotlight landed, once the opening ceremonies got the ball rolling, it was just action-packed for 17 days straight.

i was pretty into the idea of hosting the olympics from the start. i thought it would be fun to have it here, to have all those people here. i thought it would be fun to see the city get into it. by city, i don't just mean vancouver but all of the lower mainland. it was funny, nobody i knew wanted any of the gear ahead of time. i got a pair of mittens for my birthday back in october and i was SO excited! i got all my mascot dolls as soon as they came out. i got my hoodies in december before i headed south for the holidays so i could wear my colors with pride. i was ready.

well before the olympics, my own out-of-town houseguests arrived and they were going to be here for over a month. they brought with them more goodies for the rest of us. i got my coveted canada jersey, and a trapper hat. i was so ready. my godbrother had scored us tickets for 3 hockey games in the first week and one of them was a CANADA game! i was so ready.

so the opening ceremonies finally arrived and we were all gathered in my living room with our pizza and drinks and snacks and each other and we were ready! no opening ceremony will ever compare to beijing - i mean, they had the manpower and the venue to make that kind of magic. we're just a little city with a small number of volunteers. but it didn't matter. we had heart. from the start, i did nothing but watch events. i don't think i've ever watched the olympics the way i watched this one. i don't think i've ever cared so much. but now i was taking it all in. i learned what the biathlon is this year, and how it became an event. i learned names of athletes that were competing when in years past, i would only know the names of our medal winners. and those names would then fade from memory. and it wasn't just names, it was stories. stories of all these different athletes and how some of them made their way here and the hardships that they overcame. and knowing these small details made me cheer even harder for them.

i went downtown a couple of times. for the most part i try to avoid the crowds. but when i did go, it was so incredible. the vibe and the energy was unlike anything i've ever experienced here before. there was so much to see and do. i didn't get to see as much as i would have liked, but i'm okay with that. it was enough for me to just be a part of it all.

my first hockey game was fantastic. it was Canada vs Norway and i was ready to cheer for my team. i got to go up to the 4th floor and see a view of the rink that not everyone gets to see. gm place had been completely transformed to this wonderful olympic venue. the colors were awesome! all the blue and green reminded me of the canucks. and despite the rumors of long lines and long waits, i somehow managed to not have to wait that long at any time. looking out at the sea of red and all the canadian flags, i was impressed. one of my biggest complaints as a diehard canuck fan is that you would never see everyone wearing the same color on game night. sure there's a lot of blue, but there is also the old navy/maroon or the black and orange, or worst of all, the bright yellow orange and the red V. add to that the pink jerseys (barf) and the suits and the random people who just wore whatever, and gm place was always an amalgam of colors that didn't feel like love. but this was different. this was canada hockey place and it was a sea of red and white. everyone was in love with the same team and it was magical. winning that night made me feel so excited for canada's prospects in these games - i mean, 8-0, that's awesome!!

when i went to watch Sweden vs Germany, i decided to show my love for the sedin twins by dressing in a sweden hoodie and scarf. for one night, i was swedish! someone even spoke swedish to me! but then he realized i was just a poser and spoke english after that. but for 10 seconds, he thought i was one of them. i sat a few seats away from a gentleman from sweden who had gone to school with daniel alfredsson. what a cool thing to be able to tell people. during that game, i also tried to pick up some german chants, but they were pretty complicated. but i can say "deutschland!" according to the swedish dudes, they didn't have any chants, so we just hollered loudly the way canadians do. the swedes won that night, and i continued feeling elated.

the last game i attended was USA vs Norway. we decided ahead of time that we would cheer for everyone. sure enough, no matter which team scored, we jumped out of our seats and celebrated that goal. it was so much. i was sitting next to some coyotes fans from arizona, and they were having a good time, just taking it all in. a player from norway, vikingstad, he had the best name! and later in the games he got a hattrick. yay vikingstad! at that game, i also saw ryan kesler's family at the store. his wife is pretty, his kid is cute. and they were all so happy looking. but mostly, it was like, being thisclose to ryan kesler haha.

i was also lucky enough to attend a curling match! i do enjoy curling very much. it's not as complicated to follow and it's way harder than it looks. but every match starts with bagpipes - what's not to love?? jolly good times!

and then, as luck would have it, i met jon montgomery. he came into my workplace to support RIGHT TO PLAY (google it, it's an awesome charity) and give some interviews (yes, there were camera crews at my work). we were lucky he was cool enough to stick around for a bit and take pictures with us and i even got to hold his medal. it was so cool! SO COOL!! and then we spotted patrick chan on the sidewalk and ran out and got a photo with him as well. that was cool beans. i also got a picture with bryan wilson, the american bronze winner of men's moguls. it was a cool experience.

this past weekend i watched the last of the events with mixed emotions. one was nervousness - would canada be able to beat usa in the rematch? i just didn't know. of course i said "YES!!" to anyone who asked me. of course i believed we could. but a part of me was just nervous - what if we didn't? would i have to hear about it from all the americans i know? would i have to buy more in-n-out if i lost another bet? would luongo be able to come back and perform if he lost? what if ryan kesler scored the winning goal against us again? could i still love him after that? there were so many random things in my head.

of course after watching the most intense game and most exciting game ever, we WON THE GOLD!!! it was a record breaking year for canada - first gold at home, most golds ever won by one country, most golds ever won by us! i was (AM) so proud to be a canadian.

the closing ceremonies were quite blah after the intensity of that game but it was just one last thing to watch. and then it was over. so i had to go downtown. i had to suck in what was left. i headed down in my jersey and hat and high fived random people and screamed and cheered wth people on the street and got myself a cameo on the 11 o'clock news. and then it was time to go.

i think that's when it started sinking in. suddenly it just wasn't as exciting anymore. suddenly i realized there was garbage everywhere. what had they done to our streets? our clean clean vancouver streets. this morning on the train, there was so much room. no one was pushing or crowding.. and i almost missed it. but then at work, there was nothing going on outside my window. there were no more athletes coming or going. no more cops out patrolling. just no one. it was all so quiet.

the great olympic hangover has nothing to do with booze and partying. (well, maybe a little partying.) it's about the fun and the excitement and how we just absorbed everything. all the events, all the sports and athletes. and now there's void as we all walk around like drones the next day, wondering what to fill ourselves with. lucky for me, i've got the canucks vs blue jackets tomorrow and hopefully the emptiness won't last. but for today, it's just a dreary feeling of the glory days being over.

i hope though, that this city doesn't lose its spirit. i hope that all the fun we have will stay with us along with the positive attitudes that i hadn't seen here in awhile. i hope our olympic hangover doesn't take 40 years to pay off like montreal. there has to be a better legacy than that.

365 Days Later

I did it! Just me. I mean, I had support and thank you Friends, I'd be nowhere without you. But mostly, I did it. I was the one who said no and didn't need some stranger telling me what to do or how to do it. I didn't need to stand up in a room full of people I don't know and tell them my stories. I stopped being ashamed and told people I knew what was going on with me. It is so much more empowering and fulfilling to tell it to people who actually know me. To admit that I made mistakes. To admit I was damn lucky nothing really bad ever happened to me during the Crazy Days. To admit that I made secret decisions that affected the people around me and were harmful to myself. To admit that I screwed up and screwed around and woke up one day realizing that's not who I want to be. I didn't want to be the girl with the Party rep. I didn't want to be Alyssa's drunk aunt. I didn't want to be angry and tired all the time. But that's who I was. And now I'm not. And I can get through hard times and sad times and good times without a drink. It's been 365 days and I'm just proud that I got here. And I thank everyone who ever raised pom poms for me. Everyone who ever believed in me. Everyone who supported me and didn't judge me and are still around because they like me just as much Sober. I couldn't have done it without you.

xoxox


Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.

WTF it's already November?

where did this year go?

so it's november. last year in november, my gramma passed away. and while i didn't see that coming, a part of me is bold enough to say that i don't see anything like that happening this year. then the other part of me is like shut the f up before you jinx yourself! and then i tell me that i'm not superstitious enough to care. but other me says maybe you are but denial is not just another river in egypt yo. to which all i have to say back is eat poop be happy.

but enough about the voices in my head. it's november. first things first, i bought my ticket to get out of here for xmas. i really want to be away this year. not just because my family here doesn't really do christmas the way it should be done, but because i really really miss the rest of my extended brood. despite the occasional drama, i'm always happy when i'm with them. and i think i just need it. it's been a long year. between the dead gramma issues and the not drinking demons, i just feel like i need a break from my life. but not the kind of break that is exotic and filled with strangers and maybe a couple of familiar people (although that sure worked for stella and look at her groove), but like the kind of break that involves being surrounded by people who love me. not that my parents don't love me, they really do. but it's just ... different. plus the wall to wall presents are balls of fun. and there are all these kids, but i actually like all of them. and there are grandparents, i can't get that here anymore.

oh holidays. how can i love you and hate you so much at the same time? i was just telling someone how much i dread xmas shopping because of the ring ring ringing of the bells from the fake santas and their charity buckets. and i hate the carollers. i don't care, i just don't enjoy it. i like xmas songs - done by like, sugarland or nsync or something lol. i don't like the la la fake opera carollers. with their curly tight hair and long old fashioned dresses. blah. oh, and i hate the crowds and the pushing and the desperation of people who have no idea what they're buying yet insist on slowly ambling thru the mall anyway, stopping just in front of you periodically as they realize they are in the mall and have no idea where they are going or what they are doing. get the f out of my way!! but i love the feel of xmas morning. i love the getting together with my fave people and opening the presents and all the fun stuff. i love my peoples. i hate shopping for them, but i love them.

I have a Question

If you're talking nerd with a dude about the graphic novels you read because .. I don't remember how it came up .. But then like ten minutes later he calls you and says, "hey I'm going to [insert comic store here] later, do you want to come," do you think there are ulterior motives? Oh! Flash! I remember. He said something about ideas going stale and that's why comic writers are always flipped every couple years and I said I don't think that's always the case (I could be wrong I'm not THAT nerd), thus conversation ensued. Anyway, I declined the offer politely regardless. But I just don't know. I'm so uninterested that I go through life oblivious. Since that hasn't always worked out in my favor, maybe it's time I start asking myself the pertinent questions.



Or maybe I could just say No a lot and carry on.







Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.

sleep. need. sleep.

i want to say that i have some kind of iron deficiency or low blood sugar or something, but the truth is, i just go to bed late. and i sleep for about 5 1/2 to 6 hours every night. and i can function on 6, am best at 6 1/2, and am dying as i am leaning closer to the 5-5 1/2 every night lately.

why don't i go to bed earlier, you ask. well that sounds like a simple solution, but it's not that simple for me. even on nights when i do get my ass to bed at a decent time, i end up reading or doing a crossword and that keeps me up for a bit longer. and if i don't? then i just lie there and swear in my head as i don't fall asleep in the darkness.

and so since i know i won't be able to fall asleep right away, i've been letting myself watch shows a little bit later than usual. this is all because my sister and niece were here so i fell totally behind (those nights i was up because of the baby. she's cute and loveable, but becomes a crazy party monster at night), and now i have to catch up on like 2 weeks of shows. my life is sad.

and so even though i know what all the problems are, i'm not trying very hard to fix it. i need to sleep. and i need to sleep badly. i'm so tired ALL THE TIME!! argh. yawn.

what the eff. the king is dead.

and while in most instances these days, people would be referring to the king of pop, i am not. i am referring to the debacle that is my father's b-day party. i am at the point where i do not even want to go. i just don't care anymore.

so here's the deal. the old man is turning 60. and his bday is not actually until november, but he wanted to do the party on halloween. and i said, if that's the case, it will have to be a costume party. that would have been fun right? doesn't matter. my sister decided that his party should be over a long weekend so as to make it easier for them to attend from the prairies. so one would think november long weekend since there isn't any conflict there. except that he doesn't want to celebrate after the fact. and he's getting another all expenses paid trip to asia. so october long weekend it was. at this point the only other family he has in town can't make it because they made plans long ago because he told them his party would be in november. way too complicated already.

so he finds a hall to throw this bash. yay! but he wants everyone to be dressed all formal. boo! the hall has murals on the wall, streamers on the ceiling, and red and white checkered tablecloths. see how formal isn't really the attire one would think to wear at a venue like this? but that's even a moot point. who cares how people dress? not me. i'm just about judging people. no matter what class your outfit falls into, if it's awful, i will secretly think mean mean thoughts regardless. that makes me chuckle.

my biggest ish has been the guestlist. every day he is adding and removing people. there is a rsvp by date for a reason. that reason is organization. i'm a huge fan. he doesn't know the meaning of the word. so he wants me to hold off on finalizing his table arrangements and printing out the stuff i need until he is ready. he thinks he'll be ready on saturday 5 minute before we leave the house. i'm giving him until later tonight. because i'm tired of it. i'm just tired. but even more bizarre? he wants us to go set up the venue tonight. how can we set up a venue when the more important thing regarding the set up is the number of people coming and where they are sitting? i can't print those off yet!! idiot!

he wanted to sing all night long and turn it into a concert. but i'm going to go ahead and say that not all of your audience is fan of the music. shiz i don't even think all of the audience is a fan of you. and i can 100% guarantee that one spunky former redhead at table 2 is not a fan of yours at all. so hold the phone, i'm going to come up with stuff to actually make this party fun! because that's what i do best - have fun.

and now that i've spent the money and come up with the ideas and did all the hard work, you're going to tell me that i do not know how to throw/organize a party of this magnitude and i'm incompetent!!?? talk about ungrateful. i haven't slept in days. i am barely eating too, because there is no time to go to work, do all of the crap i have to for his party, and get in some me-time. i have forgone spending quality time with people that i actually like so that i can go to dollar stores and find things that i need at a decent price point. and i could have picked the ugly gold elephants!! but i didn't!! i spent a dollar more per item and got the cute wooden blocks!

i called him this morning to ask him to tell me about the charity that he has chosen for the 50/50 draw and he told me he is on the board of directors. dude, i don't care if you're the custodian, i just want to know who benefits and how. and when i asked that (in a normal way, i wasn't a bitch yet), he said i was being a stupid jerk. well you know what? fuck you and fuck your stupid party. just because you dress up like elvis, it doesn't make you the fucking king. it makes you a douchebag. he has shown absolutely no appreciation for anything!! because i don't know anything about a party of this magnitude. well guess what? if i took my spreadsheets that you don't like, and my lists that you don't think work, and all my little signs and my pretty guestbook and all my boxes and envelopes and pictures, your party would SUCK. and if i didn't put in all those hours poring through the pictures of your ugly face and then stay up all night scanning them, you wouldn't have a slideshow. and if i didn't have friends who like me, there would be no one else helping to do anything. stupid grumpy forgetful self-involved self-absorbed inconsiderate old man.

if i wasn't 2 days away from 300 i would've started imbibing today at noon.