how do i feel this good sober?

i just got back from vegas. i spent all this time agonizing about how i was going to get through this 4-day weekend sober. i haven't been sober in vegas since i was a teenager. and between then and now, there were a lot of trips to vegas. trips i barely remember! but i know they were fun. i often think that sober holly isn't very fun. i mean, i sit around a lot in my pyjamas and watching so much tv that i believe jack bauer is real. i have little desire to go out. maybe it's this city. everything is expensive and you get all dressed up and go out and then it's just disappointing. the people are pretentious and shallow. and sober, i just don't feel like trying. but vegas, you can't go to vegas and be a bum. esp if you're there for a stag(ette). so i went to vegas and i wanted to drink. i wanted to drink jager and i wanted to drink goose and i wanted to drink margaritas in the sunshine. i have to say, this was probably one of the worst times in the last year and a half.
to compensate, i drank a lot.. of energy drinks. because without the kick, i couldn't have kept up. i would have wanted to sleep. a lot. so i had red bull. i had rock star. i had monster. i had coffee. and i was cracked out. but when you're like, super awake and ready to rock, the alcohol cravings die. so i guess it's a matter of the lesser of 2 evils. plus, it's been easier to wean off the intense caffiene that it was to quit drinking.
since i've been back, i've had only coffee. i had 2 yesterday but only 1 today. of course, i've also been falling asleep A LOT on my couch. but dude, who comes back from vegas and doesn't need sleep? esp since i jumped back into the work thing.
man am i tired.
anyway, i made it through the weekend. i partied hard and did it all in high heels and i fought my cravings and i made it home sober. that feels pretty damn good. and i think for the most part, i was still pretty damn fun! i say for the most part because i had a turning point where i was not fun. i was good ol' angry holly. which reminded me of drunk angry holly. which brought me back to being really happy about being sober. lol. but that was just a glitch. this was def in the top 3 in terms of trips to vegas!! 4 days, 3 nights, 1 stag, 1 wedding, lots of caffiene, and late night eating in the company of some of my favorite people! good freaking times.
btw. congrats to my beautiful friend S and her man! i'm so happy and honored to have been even a small part of such a special day!
ok i'm going back to sleep now. because that's all i've done since i've been home. work, eat, poop, sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep. lol.

prince of persia spoiler alert

even though i'm not sure how you could spoil something that is utterly predictable.

so i went to watch this movie because it was for freeeeee! and i love free. and it starts with a bunch of white people with british accents wearing heavy eyeliner. because the eyeliner makes white people look persian.

i'd like to take this opportunity to clarify that i am not a racist jerk. i hate everyone equally.

anyway, i have known people of persian descent. and their accents are not british. i'm pretty sure their accents weren't british back in the time this movie was supposed to take place either. i'm also pretty certain that none of them look like white people with eyeliner. white people with eyeliner look like that bitch little j on gossip girl.

i also think princess what's her face from the bond movie and jake g had zero chemistry. every time they stopped to stare into each other's eyes and risk their lives instead of saving the world, i wanted to scream. i didn't feel it. at. all. plus she was annoying.

and what was up with that? you have to save the world from evil and crazy bad guys are chasing you. so that seems like the perfect time to stop and almost kiss because..???

the best part of this movie is jake g's parkour skills. and most of the time, i think it was a stunt double anyway. but it's cool. and the ostrich guy is hilarious.

that is all. go watch it, you'll like it.

there's always next year

another nhl season has ended. i don't even think i care who the final 4 are at this point because the only thing that matters is that the canucks are not there. the city has gone from being canucks crazed to .. well, not. during the post-season, i saw people walking around in their jerseys and t-shirts, their flags waving on their cars. literally the next day, there was not a hint of blue and green to be seen anywhere. it's funny to me how fast these "fans" just turn it off. one day they claim to be in love, and the next they've moved on like it never happened. kind of like me and all the boys i've dated. except that by acknowledging that fact, i guess i've also acknowledged that it happened. but still, i'm in denial. stop interrupting.
as a fan that is still in love, i am sad. i didn't want to talk about it, but i've been forced to have conversations about what they could have done better, what changes need to be made, and who won't be coming back next year. i am not going to repeat any of those things here. i'm not an analyst. i don't know hockey the way some people (named arnold) know hockey. i can't recite stats, i don't know who screwed up the most (maybe i do. yeah, i'm talking about you kevin bieksuck), and i don't know what luongo needs to do to play like gold medal roberto luongo. but those things don't matter. what matters is that theses guys will shake it off. they'll go and have their off-season with their families (or at the roxy. yeah, i'm talking about you OB) and come back and start over next season. and i'll be there. i'll be ready. and i'll be cheering for them.

Happy Mamajama Day!

I wake up.
I take a shower.
I drink coffee and eat oatmeal.
I get a massage with my mamajama.
I get a facial with my mamajama.
I get my hair washed and blow-dried with my mamajama.
I watch the Canucks game with my family (and friend).
I eat delicious take-out.
The Canucks win.

That's a Happy Day right there. And if you haven't seen The Lookout, you should (I heart JGL).

Sent from my awesome BlackBerry

500 Days

and the most amazing part? when i spend time with my niece, i don't even think about it. i don't think i want to drink, i don't think i miss drinking, it doesn't even cross my mind. and now there are 2 of them to keep me strong. those 2 little people are the best part of my life.

babywatch 2010

a couple of years ago, i KNEW my sister would give birth early and so i got on a plane a few days before the due date, and 7 hours after i landed, her water broke. it was awesome and magical and my niece and i are super close (even though she's only 2, she knows who spoils her the most).

so fast forward to now and baby due date was april 25th. i flew out there on the 16th thinking, i'll spend a few days with my niece, baby will come, round 2, fight! except that there was no baby. despite the contractions the last month or more and all the signs pointing to an early baby, he decided not to be an early baby. and then i changed my return flight to stay an extra day and i hung out and waited and waited. but he decided not to be on time either.

and here's the thing - the doctor did some medical stuff to help move it along faster.. but to no avail. we consulted with spirits. he told our friend that he was coming one day. but he tricked us. we even went to the emerg in the middle of the night, unsure if my sis' water had broken. yeah, no. then another consult told us he was on his way. nope.

so my conclusion is this. 1. he is a taurus. he is stubborn and bull-headed. although, that could also describe any of the men in our blended families, so maybe being a taurus has nothing to do with it. 2. he is a joker. every time we were like, yes - this is it! it was not. not even close. somewhere in my sis' belly, he is laughing at us. on the bright side, we're all jokers, so we'll have a good time. 3. he is definitely related, because he doesn't know the meaning of punctuality. so if he's running on chinese time, he'll show up... when he feels like it. 4. he just didn't want me to be the first family member to see him naked. how modest. that's not gonna work. nobody in my family is modest.

well i am home now. baby didn't come. and unlike my worst fears, he didn't come out while i was flying either. phew! so i don't know when he's coming. no one does. and i'm okay with that. disappointed, yes. i just spent 9.5 days in the armpit of canada man! but i got to hang with my niece the whole time, give my sis a break from the other chaos (in-laws, my crazy mamajama, anxious hubs), and just chill. so at least it wasn't a totally poopy vacay. but if this baby comes out and they're not bringing him back w/in a reasonable time, i may jet out there for a weekend. ugh. don't make me go back there.

i think i smell bad

i like long weekends. since thursday after work, i have watched 2 canucks games, finished 2 books, watched 5 movies, and spent 24 hours in my pyjamas. before the weekend is over, i will watch another canucks game (live yay!) and eat excellent food. why don't we have long weekends more often? oh right, because the government sucks.

if i could, i would stay in bed for a little bit longer, but alas, it's almost 2pm and i have to get up now. yes, that's right, 2pm. i like sundays.

here are my reviews for this weekend:

Hot Tub Time Machine = AWESOME!! i love the 80s, John Cusack, and sci fi so this movie pretty much rules.

Chloe = Pretty Damn Good. If you're into movies that are creepy with hot crazy chicks, this is a movie for you. I figured it out early on, but still totally enjoyed it.

The Host = from the author of Twilight, i sat down to read this saturday afternoon and finished a few hours later because i had nothing else to do. it was really good. i wish there were more because i really liked the characters and the relationships they developed and i'm used to reading serials so the things i like can go on and on.

Bonus Section: for all you vampire/werewolf lovers out there, Laurell K Hamilton is the BEST EVER! i am addicted to her Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series!! i am currently waiting for Skin Trade to come out on paperback, but i've read everything in this series from book 1. SO AWESOME!! and there are a bunch of her fans out there who hate that about 10 books into it she turned it into literary porn, but i don't really care. i love that anita blake just goes on to fight another day. and if you can get through the sex, the stories are still great.

okay i better get up now.

a letter

dear ryan kesler,

i don't care if you hate canadians, or vancouver fans, or french people. i don't even care if you hate me. but i want you to know that when you say you hate people, there are people out there who get mad. i wasn't one of those people. i stayed true. i wore my kesler jersey to your first game back in vancouver instead of my lu one. i defended you to all my friends who told me that they now hate you because you hate them. i think you're fantastic and you play great hockey. i think your wife is pretty and your daughter is really cute.

but my point ryan kesler, is that not all of the fans in this city are like the fans you hate. there are fans like me out there. fans who stick by you no matter what. fans who love the team no matter where they are in the standings (with the exception of bieksuck - can you please ask him to stop pinching?). fans who are not suits, who spend hard-earned money to go see you guys play, even when times are tough. hate on everyone you want ryan kesler, but not all of the fans out here are sucky fans. i just wanted you to know that.

your fan,
h

the great olympic hangover

we had 17 days of non-stop action over in our little corner of the world. the olympics came and went and i think it has changed everyone. except maybe the angry protestors.. i'm pretty sure they are still angry. but for the rest of us, we played hosts to the world. and despite all the misgivings and lack of feeling before the spotlight landed, once the opening ceremonies got the ball rolling, it was just action-packed for 17 days straight.

i was pretty into the idea of hosting the olympics from the start. i thought it would be fun to have it here, to have all those people here. i thought it would be fun to see the city get into it. by city, i don't just mean vancouver but all of the lower mainland. it was funny, nobody i knew wanted any of the gear ahead of time. i got a pair of mittens for my birthday back in october and i was SO excited! i got all my mascot dolls as soon as they came out. i got my hoodies in december before i headed south for the holidays so i could wear my colors with pride. i was ready.

well before the olympics, my own out-of-town houseguests arrived and they were going to be here for over a month. they brought with them more goodies for the rest of us. i got my coveted canada jersey, and a trapper hat. i was so ready. my godbrother had scored us tickets for 3 hockey games in the first week and one of them was a CANADA game! i was so ready.

so the opening ceremonies finally arrived and we were all gathered in my living room with our pizza and drinks and snacks and each other and we were ready! no opening ceremony will ever compare to beijing - i mean, they had the manpower and the venue to make that kind of magic. we're just a little city with a small number of volunteers. but it didn't matter. we had heart. from the start, i did nothing but watch events. i don't think i've ever watched the olympics the way i watched this one. i don't think i've ever cared so much. but now i was taking it all in. i learned what the biathlon is this year, and how it became an event. i learned names of athletes that were competing when in years past, i would only know the names of our medal winners. and those names would then fade from memory. and it wasn't just names, it was stories. stories of all these different athletes and how some of them made their way here and the hardships that they overcame. and knowing these small details made me cheer even harder for them.

i went downtown a couple of times. for the most part i try to avoid the crowds. but when i did go, it was so incredible. the vibe and the energy was unlike anything i've ever experienced here before. there was so much to see and do. i didn't get to see as much as i would have liked, but i'm okay with that. it was enough for me to just be a part of it all.

my first hockey game was fantastic. it was Canada vs Norway and i was ready to cheer for my team. i got to go up to the 4th floor and see a view of the rink that not everyone gets to see. gm place had been completely transformed to this wonderful olympic venue. the colors were awesome! all the blue and green reminded me of the canucks. and despite the rumors of long lines and long waits, i somehow managed to not have to wait that long at any time. looking out at the sea of red and all the canadian flags, i was impressed. one of my biggest complaints as a diehard canuck fan is that you would never see everyone wearing the same color on game night. sure there's a lot of blue, but there is also the old navy/maroon or the black and orange, or worst of all, the bright yellow orange and the red V. add to that the pink jerseys (barf) and the suits and the random people who just wore whatever, and gm place was always an amalgam of colors that didn't feel like love. but this was different. this was canada hockey place and it was a sea of red and white. everyone was in love with the same team and it was magical. winning that night made me feel so excited for canada's prospects in these games - i mean, 8-0, that's awesome!!

when i went to watch Sweden vs Germany, i decided to show my love for the sedin twins by dressing in a sweden hoodie and scarf. for one night, i was swedish! someone even spoke swedish to me! but then he realized i was just a poser and spoke english after that. but for 10 seconds, he thought i was one of them. i sat a few seats away from a gentleman from sweden who had gone to school with daniel alfredsson. what a cool thing to be able to tell people. during that game, i also tried to pick up some german chants, but they were pretty complicated. but i can say "deutschland!" according to the swedish dudes, they didn't have any chants, so we just hollered loudly the way canadians do. the swedes won that night, and i continued feeling elated.

the last game i attended was USA vs Norway. we decided ahead of time that we would cheer for everyone. sure enough, no matter which team scored, we jumped out of our seats and celebrated that goal. it was so much. i was sitting next to some coyotes fans from arizona, and they were having a good time, just taking it all in. a player from norway, vikingstad, he had the best name! and later in the games he got a hattrick. yay vikingstad! at that game, i also saw ryan kesler's family at the store. his wife is pretty, his kid is cute. and they were all so happy looking. but mostly, it was like, being thisclose to ryan kesler haha.

i was also lucky enough to attend a curling match! i do enjoy curling very much. it's not as complicated to follow and it's way harder than it looks. but every match starts with bagpipes - what's not to love?? jolly good times!

and then, as luck would have it, i met jon montgomery. he came into my workplace to support RIGHT TO PLAY (google it, it's an awesome charity) and give some interviews (yes, there were camera crews at my work). we were lucky he was cool enough to stick around for a bit and take pictures with us and i even got to hold his medal. it was so cool! SO COOL!! and then we spotted patrick chan on the sidewalk and ran out and got a photo with him as well. that was cool beans. i also got a picture with bryan wilson, the american bronze winner of men's moguls. it was a cool experience.

this past weekend i watched the last of the events with mixed emotions. one was nervousness - would canada be able to beat usa in the rematch? i just didn't know. of course i said "YES!!" to anyone who asked me. of course i believed we could. but a part of me was just nervous - what if we didn't? would i have to hear about it from all the americans i know? would i have to buy more in-n-out if i lost another bet? would luongo be able to come back and perform if he lost? what if ryan kesler scored the winning goal against us again? could i still love him after that? there were so many random things in my head.

of course after watching the most intense game and most exciting game ever, we WON THE GOLD!!! it was a record breaking year for canada - first gold at home, most golds ever won by one country, most golds ever won by us! i was (AM) so proud to be a canadian.

the closing ceremonies were quite blah after the intensity of that game but it was just one last thing to watch. and then it was over. so i had to go downtown. i had to suck in what was left. i headed down in my jersey and hat and high fived random people and screamed and cheered wth people on the street and got myself a cameo on the 11 o'clock news. and then it was time to go.

i think that's when it started sinking in. suddenly it just wasn't as exciting anymore. suddenly i realized there was garbage everywhere. what had they done to our streets? our clean clean vancouver streets. this morning on the train, there was so much room. no one was pushing or crowding.. and i almost missed it. but then at work, there was nothing going on outside my window. there were no more athletes coming or going. no more cops out patrolling. just no one. it was all so quiet.

the great olympic hangover has nothing to do with booze and partying. (well, maybe a little partying.) it's about the fun and the excitement and how we just absorbed everything. all the events, all the sports and athletes. and now there's void as we all walk around like drones the next day, wondering what to fill ourselves with. lucky for me, i've got the canucks vs blue jackets tomorrow and hopefully the emptiness won't last. but for today, it's just a dreary feeling of the glory days being over.

i hope though, that this city doesn't lose its spirit. i hope that all the fun we have will stay with us along with the positive attitudes that i hadn't seen here in awhile. i hope our olympic hangover doesn't take 40 years to pay off like montreal. there has to be a better legacy than that.

365 Days Later

I did it! Just me. I mean, I had support and thank you Friends, I'd be nowhere without you. But mostly, I did it. I was the one who said no and didn't need some stranger telling me what to do or how to do it. I didn't need to stand up in a room full of people I don't know and tell them my stories. I stopped being ashamed and told people I knew what was going on with me. It is so much more empowering and fulfilling to tell it to people who actually know me. To admit that I made mistakes. To admit I was damn lucky nothing really bad ever happened to me during the Crazy Days. To admit that I made secret decisions that affected the people around me and were harmful to myself. To admit that I screwed up and screwed around and woke up one day realizing that's not who I want to be. I didn't want to be the girl with the Party rep. I didn't want to be Alyssa's drunk aunt. I didn't want to be angry and tired all the time. But that's who I was. And now I'm not. And I can get through hard times and sad times and good times without a drink. It's been 365 days and I'm just proud that I got here. And I thank everyone who ever raised pom poms for me. Everyone who ever believed in me. Everyone who supported me and didn't judge me and are still around because they like me just as much Sober. I couldn't have done it without you.

xoxox


Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.