i need to get gruntled

i don't know what's up my butt lately, but i'm becoming seriously disgruntled. mostly i guess it's because i've become one of those people who is unhappy at work. seeing as i spend 8 hours a day here, plus a couple hours commuting, i would say most of my waking hours revolve around work. and i know at some point i wrote about how much i liked my job. well somewhere between then and now, i discovered unhappiness. as days go by, things pop up that lead me to dislike my situation more and more. the main cause is that i feel underappreciated. i was told this would happen, so it's not like i wasn't warned. but it's this funny little thing where the longer you're around, the better you perform, the less they like and appreciate you. that's why people leave. i want to be one of those people. if you or someone you know would like to hire me, please do.

add to that the random idiocy that gets thrown in. just this morning i had a little episode of racism. and was she apologetic or better yet, recognize that she was being a racist bitch? no. she just kept talking. and now i'm going to pay by being the recipient of her further bitchiness because of course i'm clearly the one who was wrong. i have no tolerance for stupidity.

it rains. actually, it pours. hard. it's like the little raincloud that was over my head yesterday just expanded and decided to take over the entire lower mainland. i like it.

in other news, i want to drink. most likely because i'm disgruntled. i am 242 days sober, and all i can think about is how great it would be to just go home and kick back with a bottle of wine. every day i go home and open up the drink fridge. i had 3 bottles of white chilling when i gave up the sauce and i never could take them out... one by one they have been consumed. i don't know when or by whom, but there's part of one left. and i look at them wistfully and think, you could be in my belly. and then close the fridge and walk away. and a part of me thinks, who the f is drinking my shiz? and then another part of me thinks, better them than me. and then i just have to do something else and not think about it. i was sitting at a bar a couple of days ago for a few hours. and the whole time i thought about all the things i could have been drinking. but all i had was a blended juice and a hot tea. yesterday i was sitting in a pub sipping on iced tea. no wonder i don't like going out anymore. everywhere i go, people are drinking. everyone drinks. everyone but me. sobriety sucks.