WTF it's already November?

where did this year go?

so it's november. last year in november, my gramma passed away. and while i didn't see that coming, a part of me is bold enough to say that i don't see anything like that happening this year. then the other part of me is like shut the f up before you jinx yourself! and then i tell me that i'm not superstitious enough to care. but other me says maybe you are but denial is not just another river in egypt yo. to which all i have to say back is eat poop be happy.

but enough about the voices in my head. it's november. first things first, i bought my ticket to get out of here for xmas. i really want to be away this year. not just because my family here doesn't really do christmas the way it should be done, but because i really really miss the rest of my extended brood. despite the occasional drama, i'm always happy when i'm with them. and i think i just need it. it's been a long year. between the dead gramma issues and the not drinking demons, i just feel like i need a break from my life. but not the kind of break that is exotic and filled with strangers and maybe a couple of familiar people (although that sure worked for stella and look at her groove), but like the kind of break that involves being surrounded by people who love me. not that my parents don't love me, they really do. but it's just ... different. plus the wall to wall presents are balls of fun. and there are all these kids, but i actually like all of them. and there are grandparents, i can't get that here anymore.

oh holidays. how can i love you and hate you so much at the same time? i was just telling someone how much i dread xmas shopping because of the ring ring ringing of the bells from the fake santas and their charity buckets. and i hate the carollers. i don't care, i just don't enjoy it. i like xmas songs - done by like, sugarland or nsync or something lol. i don't like the la la fake opera carollers. with their curly tight hair and long old fashioned dresses. blah. oh, and i hate the crowds and the pushing and the desperation of people who have no idea what they're buying yet insist on slowly ambling thru the mall anyway, stopping just in front of you periodically as they realize they are in the mall and have no idea where they are going or what they are doing. get the f out of my way!! but i love the feel of xmas morning. i love the getting together with my fave people and opening the presents and all the fun stuff. i love my peoples. i hate shopping for them, but i love them.