what the eff. the king is dead.

and while in most instances these days, people would be referring to the king of pop, i am not. i am referring to the debacle that is my father's b-day party. i am at the point where i do not even want to go. i just don't care anymore.

so here's the deal. the old man is turning 60. and his bday is not actually until november, but he wanted to do the party on halloween. and i said, if that's the case, it will have to be a costume party. that would have been fun right? doesn't matter. my sister decided that his party should be over a long weekend so as to make it easier for them to attend from the prairies. so one would think november long weekend since there isn't any conflict there. except that he doesn't want to celebrate after the fact. and he's getting another all expenses paid trip to asia. so october long weekend it was. at this point the only other family he has in town can't make it because they made plans long ago because he told them his party would be in november. way too complicated already.

so he finds a hall to throw this bash. yay! but he wants everyone to be dressed all formal. boo! the hall has murals on the wall, streamers on the ceiling, and red and white checkered tablecloths. see how formal isn't really the attire one would think to wear at a venue like this? but that's even a moot point. who cares how people dress? not me. i'm just about judging people. no matter what class your outfit falls into, if it's awful, i will secretly think mean mean thoughts regardless. that makes me chuckle.

my biggest ish has been the guestlist. every day he is adding and removing people. there is a rsvp by date for a reason. that reason is organization. i'm a huge fan. he doesn't know the meaning of the word. so he wants me to hold off on finalizing his table arrangements and printing out the stuff i need until he is ready. he thinks he'll be ready on saturday 5 minute before we leave the house. i'm giving him until later tonight. because i'm tired of it. i'm just tired. but even more bizarre? he wants us to go set up the venue tonight. how can we set up a venue when the more important thing regarding the set up is the number of people coming and where they are sitting? i can't print those off yet!! idiot!

he wanted to sing all night long and turn it into a concert. but i'm going to go ahead and say that not all of your audience is fan of the music. shiz i don't even think all of the audience is a fan of you. and i can 100% guarantee that one spunky former redhead at table 2 is not a fan of yours at all. so hold the phone, i'm going to come up with stuff to actually make this party fun! because that's what i do best - have fun.

and now that i've spent the money and come up with the ideas and did all the hard work, you're going to tell me that i do not know how to throw/organize a party of this magnitude and i'm incompetent!!?? talk about ungrateful. i haven't slept in days. i am barely eating too, because there is no time to go to work, do all of the crap i have to for his party, and get in some me-time. i have forgone spending quality time with people that i actually like so that i can go to dollar stores and find things that i need at a decent price point. and i could have picked the ugly gold elephants!! but i didn't!! i spent a dollar more per item and got the cute wooden blocks!

i called him this morning to ask him to tell me about the charity that he has chosen for the 50/50 draw and he told me he is on the board of directors. dude, i don't care if you're the custodian, i just want to know who benefits and how. and when i asked that (in a normal way, i wasn't a bitch yet), he said i was being a stupid jerk. well you know what? fuck you and fuck your stupid party. just because you dress up like elvis, it doesn't make you the fucking king. it makes you a douchebag. he has shown absolutely no appreciation for anything!! because i don't know anything about a party of this magnitude. well guess what? if i took my spreadsheets that you don't like, and my lists that you don't think work, and all my little signs and my pretty guestbook and all my boxes and envelopes and pictures, your party would SUCK. and if i didn't put in all those hours poring through the pictures of your ugly face and then stay up all night scanning them, you wouldn't have a slideshow. and if i didn't have friends who like me, there would be no one else helping to do anything. stupid grumpy forgetful self-involved self-absorbed inconsiderate old man.

if i wasn't 2 days away from 300 i would've started imbibing today at noon.