Drugs Are Bad

yes, it's very soon after my last post, but it's one of those weeks i guess where there is just too much to contemplate over.

so if you follow, then you'll remember my lethargic grampa not remembering my name at home and then remembering it with attitude in the hospital before he was moved into another care facility. i was told that after he moved into the home, he went back to being lifeless and pretty much a zombie. my mom was telling me how they couldn't get him to do much when they were there and i got a couple updates, all pretty much saying he was losing it.

well through most of this my uncle who is the most involved with my grampa's health was away on business. upon his return he knew right away what the problem was. in fact, it was a repeat problem. back in the winter after my gramps suffered his bad fall and brain hemorrhaging, he was in the hospital and moved into a diff home. during the hosp stay, my uncle pointed out that this anti-depressant the docs put gramps on was making him a zombie. docs argued that he was depressed. the thing is, he wasn't depressed and lethargic till the bastards put him on that stuff. he was taken off the meds before he went into the rehab facility and during that time he had his moments where he was his stubborn self, but for the most part, at least he had energy and was willing to try his exercises. what we didn't know was that when he was sent home from this place some idiot put him back on the drugs. yes, it's crazy that there could have been this oversight and no one noticed but my gramps has 7 kids and they're old school so communication hasn't always been great.

we think that if he hadn't been on this stupid drug when he went home, he would've continued his exercises and had more life to him. he would have remembered my name and his face would have lit up like i'm used to when i walk in the room. he wouldn't have become a zombie sitting in his chair all day developing sores and subsequently a staph infection. he wouldn't have had to go back to the hospital and had a surgery. he wouldn't have been moved into a different home instead of staying in his actual Home. he'd be at home now probably, where he is the happiest. nope, instead of all the possibilities for the positives, now we're back to square one. my uncle had to berate the doctor for putting him back on the meds when it wasn't necessary (and deal with his jerkface behavior - wtf yo. you f'd up doc, just deal with it and help make it better. don't give the family any more grief). now that gramps is off the meds again, they say he is way more alert and has a lot more energy. sure, he's still as stubborn as ever, and having more energy means that when he's pissed off at you it's a way more boisterous pissed off - but i take that over zombie gramps any day.

of course it doesn't mean he can go home. he has fallen so behind because he wasn't able to do any therapy since he's been in this place. he's barely walked in the last couple of months, and when he does, it's not easy. it's bad enough that these people have to get old and have so many issues, but really doctor man, really - you're just going to put them on these drugs that zombify them and let them wait it out in retardation until they waste away? that's your answer? that's what your medical degree got you to? are you f-ing kidding me? a part of me wants to say that it must be because my gramps is stuck in the american system too, but that's not all of it. i mean, doctors aren't ALL bad. (yes, i'm referring to you bunches, you better have f-ing good bedside manners or we can't be cyber friends anymore). i just don't know why this doctor (and a few others my family has had to deal with) bothered with the years and years of starving studenthood and debt and hard work and no social life (oh yeah, that's a huge part of his lack of people skills i'm sure) just to get his med degree (i guess the money comes back more than you spent right), and then behaves like he's entitled. you're not entitled. patients are people too. my gramps may not have had the overextended education or the high paying salary, but he worked hard too. and he's a person, despite his old age. treat him with a little dignity. treat them all with a little more dignity. they all just waste away in this home under the "care" of this doctor and he doesn't even see it because he doesn't care. what a load of crap.

so my thoughts weren't exactly laid out in the skilled manner that you'd expect from an english major but suck it. i'm pissed off and my grampa deserves better. all these patients do.

i'm sure a huge part of the anger is my own guilt though. i can't be there. i don't visit every day. i don't even visit every month. i haven't seen him since april and the reality is, i don't know when i'll be going back down again. it's hard to be so far away. i miss ya gong. :(